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Cracked Rap is a rap song conceived by Dick Kulpa, written by Barry Dutter and performed by Noel Anderson as "CrackedRapper". It was released on the Cracked.com web site in 2001, coinciding with Kulpa's purchase of the magazine. Initially, it could only be downloaded using a code found in the print edition of the magazine.

CrackedRap

LyricsEdit

("Let's-let's-let's-let's listen")

We're Cracked
We're Cracked

You know that it's a fact

We're Cracked
We're Cracked

And now we're comin' back

We're Cracked
We're Cracked

You know this ain't no whack

We're Cracked
We're Cracked

There's somethin' outa whack

'Cause we're Cracked

("Yeah, that's right, boy-eee")

Cracked is a funny humor magazine ("Yeah, boy-eeee")
It's the nuttiest thing you've ever seen

It started way back in '57
With the top dog, the main man, John Severin

Exclusive gags and parodies
It's better than some old moldy chee-eese

Gags and puns and phat satires
It's the number one mag, you know I ain't no liar

Cracked like a window
Cracked like a mirror
Cracked like a number
Could I make it any clearer?

We ain't sick or crazy or nuts ("that's right")
You'll laugh so hard, you'll fall down on your butts

Yeah, reading this mag will never make you sad
You gotta buy Cracked, so don't get mad

Read this mag and save it in your attic
We'll turn the whole world into Cracked fanatics

To buy this mag you gotta be a little whacko
But Cracked is better for you than tobacco

We're Cracked
We're Cracked

We're sendin' in a fax

We're Cracked
We're Cracked

To see how you react

We're Cracked
We're Cracked

You know we got the knack

We're Cracked
We're Cracked

We'll seal it in a pact

We're Cracked

Cracked was started by an early editor
He needed a mascot so he hired a janitor

Sylvester P. Smythe is our head of sanitation
Hottest thing around, he is sweeping the nation

Sylvester's not alone, he's got a lot of friends
Mr. Precious just died again ("died again")

Simpky Dumpkins, the world's most hated man
And Naked Guy does whatever he can ("that's right")

Butch the bully is kind of shady
And Joe Studd goes with all the ladies

Klugg the Caveman will bring you joy
And so will that superhero Wedgie Boy

So buy Cracked at your favorite magazine store
You'll fall down laughing, they'll have to sweep you off the floor

If you can't find it, you don't have to pay a bribe
We'll mail it every month if you subscribe

It's the phattest humor mag you ever read
If you don't read it, you're cracked in the head

You can read it in school or at home with your mom
Check us out on the web at Cracked.com

This mag is crude, but it's never rude
It's got a bold new attitude

It's better than it ever was before
It's not your father's Cracked no more

("Let's-let's-let's-let's listen")

We're Cracked
We're Cracked

You know that it's a fact

We're Cracked
We're Cracked

And now we're comin' back

We're Cracked
We're Cracked

You know this ain't no whack

We're Cracked
We're Cracked

There's somethin' outa whack

'Cause we're Cracked

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